Recap Rant: COtL, Chapter 6

OK. I'm trying to keep up here, but the author gets these bursts of writing time and/or inspiration and then I end up four chapters behind. This gets to be a little much since the chapters are so long, but do not fret, dear reader, because I am taking one for the team so you don't have to. ;)

Let me tell you how agonizing it is to know that a laptop that is to be yours is in the house, but you can't have it until Christmas. I haven't felt this keyed up about the big day in years, so that's something, right? I'd be able to do so much more right now, but I have to wait a whole week and a half before that happens. I can make it, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, I'm trying this with the Windows 7 "Snap" feature, so I can view the story and this post at the same time so it's not as tough to flip back and forth and lose my place.

But enough about me (for now. I mean, it IS my blog). ONWARD.

Chapter 6: Dancing
This awesome chapter starts with an A/N about using her new horse intelligence that people gave her in PMs and reviews since she started this story. I've talked to people online who say her info is wrong, and there's a little info later in this post about where she went wrong and how simple it was to look it up.

And to make matters worse, she then goes on to say that she basically used the real town of Casper, Wyoming in name only, deciding that it didn't suit her needs for a backwater hick town where everyone talks with a Southern accent. Really? Why bother using a real town if you aren't actually using it? Why not just make up a town and go from there? Or if you wanted something more authentic, pick something in the Southern region that would fit what you have in mind? I suppose this isn't surprising, since she doesn't know quack about horses, either.

She also apologizes for her major punctuation faux pas when it comes to dialogue and closing dialogue tags. That's all fine and well, but if it's enough of an issue with your readers that you feel the need to apologize in your opening A/N, don't you think you'd seek out some assistance to fix the problem, instead of saying you're just as flawed as your fucked up Edward? That's not really something you'd want to be compared to, if you really thought about it.

Anyway, this chapter is another delightful journey into Edward's POV. He starts out all hunky-dory because of the relaxing night he had last night. You know, ignoring Bella, fighting with Bella, having a session with Dr. Bella and Dr. Frankencock, have HOURS of kinky sex, a shower and a massage. A massage that reminded him of his buttrape with Sir Kevin, except Bella reassured him throughout that it was her and not some creepy Dom with a fetish for the boy butt. He feels bad about their fight and how he wanted to leave for a while, but remembered the last time he did that: when he left his wife Tanya after a fight and came back to find her barbecued like a marshmallow and Katie burned but alive.

He did admit that it was his fault for his and Bella's fight (isn't it always the man's fault? I mean, isn't that what men are around for? J/k, really), and about how he hates how afraid of his feelings and how he didn't care before when he was a giant manwhore who took it any way his clients liked it. Except for buttrape. That wasn't so awesome for him. So, he goes on about how he likes when Bella is strong and defends him and how she and Stripper Emmett rescued him from Domme Raven's house when Victoria basically sold him to her and how raw her anger and defensive nature was for Edward. After pondering that for a minute or ten, he realized he needed to nut up and be a better man in general, boyfriend for Bella, and dad for Katie. Let's hope so on the last one, because no matter how much I wanted to bond with my daughter, I would NOT fake "marry" her because she loved me and was glad I was back in her scarred life. Then he has some dirty thoughts about Bella calling him Daddy and how sick that makes him. Are we shocked? No. These two can't stop thinking about bumping uglies no matter how dark their previous thoughts were.

Now Edward is on his way back to work and trying to bond with Bob in a cowboy way, over "cow piss"-like coffee. This made him pat himself on the back for being an awesome cook, and then about how Victoria made him such a slaved that he cooked and cleaned for her, gave her pedicures, and shaved her motherfucking legs. Now, ladies, I don't know about you, but I've seen how well guys do with razors when they shave their faces and I would not let one shave my legs. That's why they use the electric razors; they have those safety screens on them so they don't turn their faces into hamburger. I'm as lazy about shaving sometimes as the next gal, but no way would I make my man or slave shave my legs.

Back to the coffee. Bob is so freaking impressed by Edward's coffee and E is beaming like a kid who discovered Santa is real and actually does slip his mama the tongue every Christmas. Bob asks for Edward's secret and Edward refuses to tell, stating he's been trying to duplicate Starbuck's flavor for years. Darling Edward, you'd have to actually roast your own beans, hand picked by Colombians getting paid $5 a day to get the beans from the trees, and brew them a certain way before you could even come close to Starbuck's flavor. And then to say people have said yours is better? Sorry, sweetie, I think they were just trying to be nice. I know some people don't prefer Starbucks, and that's OK, but there's a lot more to having a certain flavor to coffee than picking out a tasty Coffeemate creamer to jazz it up and make it "unique."

When Bob lets on that he has no idea what Starbucks is, Edward has to hold back his conniption fit because Bob has not tasted the liquid manna from heaven. And Edward thinking that he'd die because he'd never tasted Starbucks before? If you've never tasted it, you wouldn't feel the need to die, right? But of course, this melancholic line of thought reminds him of Stripper Emmett making Sbux runs after a long night of stripping and stroking, and he misses Emmett and Stripper Jasper, too. Edward then has to remind himself that Bob is a friend now, too, and he needs to let down his walls some. He feels like such a sissy and that if he gets hurt one more time he'll break and never be fixed. He needs armor. Like Reynolds Wrap, only stronger. Maybe the kind for the ovens or something. That's tougher stuff, I think.

Then he asks Bob if he knows what a Slurpee is. /headdesk.

Now we switch to the lovely Bella's head. She starts her portion by berating herself on the way to school about how she'd treated Edward the night before, comparing herself to Victoria. As whiny as she is, I disagree with her, because she DIDN'T MAKE HIM SHAVE HER GODDAMN LEGS. Yet. I bet it's coming, though. Anyway, she gets herself so worked up over how she treated him, that she end up having to pull over and check out how her breakfast looks half digested. It burns! It burns!

Then some random person asks if she's okay before switching back to EPOV. YOUR POV CHANGES ARE GIVING ME WHIPLASH, AUTHOR DEAREST.

Now Edward is learning what boy horsies and girl horsies are called. Boys are geldings and girls are mares. I was told this was wrong, being woefully uneducated in horses myself, but since it was as simple for me to check Wikipedia for the correct information, I'm left to assume the author has trouble remembering Wiki's web address so she can be accurate too. Anyway, had she done a little research, and a little differentiation or more detail, she'd know that boy horses that are geldings are castrated. Unless this stable doesn't plan on studding their males, this is completely incorrect. The male horses (going chronologically from youngest to oldest) are either foals, yearlings, colts, or stallions. The same goes for females: they're either a foal, yearling, filly, or mare, depending on age. See how easy that was? I know Wiki isn't always reliable, but the horse page wasn't marked as incorrect, so I assume that the majority of horse people can agree on this info. The more you know, kids, the more you know.

So then Edward finds out he's being picked on for being the new guy, and that the horses eat out of mangers (Baby Jesus had better watch out) and not the plastic bowls. The horses were trying to communicate that the day before when they were attacking him during feeding time. The other cowboys apologized for being dicks and welcome to the Brokeback Family. He realized how badly he'd have fucked things up with Bella and Katie if he'd punked out and stopped working at the rodeo. Bob won a hundred bucks because no one else thought he'd come back the second day. Awesome.

The horses seemed to like him better today, except Psycho, who knows better and peed on him again. And apparently boy horse piss is appealing to "mares" (to which the author either entered in her own A/N about her new knowledge, or put an aside from Edward in parentheses). He talked to the horses as he went and they seemed to warm up to him. Then he has another idiot moment. He asks a horse whose name is Hot Gossip, if she knows where he can find a Slurpee machine in town, and was disappointed that the horse didn't say anything. A horse called Bella Donna flirted a little when he tipped his hat at her and he felt all virile because the Bellas seemed to have a thing for him.

Hark! I see a little correct info! Edward is talking to a horse he's grooming and remembers that the horse's dad was Apollo, another horse on the farm, and since Apollo mated, that meant he was a stallion, not a gelding who couldn't make behbeh horsies. Can I get an 'amen'?

While grooming horses, he's listening to the radio and hears a song come on that he'd danced to in the club and starts dancing for the horses. I am speechless. He's performing a stripper dance, sans actual stripping, for the horses. To make it better, the author inserts an A/N stating that she sucks at describing dance moves and that we should all just envision John Travolta dancing in "Staying Alive", though Edward is dancing to "Let's Get Lost" by Beck and Bat For Lashes from the Eclipse soundtrack.

Then.... he... starts... singing along. While dancing. And not just stripper dancing anymore, he's trying out some non-stripper dance moves, like a Baryshnikov in the making or something. He becomes empowered during all of this and I expect something from Rent to come from his mouth or something. He does a nearly impossible split and stand move that Stripper Emmett of all people taught him over the years. After the song is over and he's finally done, the horses applaud by snickering and whinnying at him. Which gets covered up by Bob applauding his mad dance skills, along with Sharon and a mystery woman that turns out to be Sharon's daughter Jenna. Jenna takes a liking to him like he's a freaking Chihuahua and she has a Louis Vuitton handbag with his name on it. Jenna turns out to be a horse rider, the star of the rodeo, and thinks that Edward's on to something with a dancing cowboy routine.

Jenna turns into this big slut who is suddenly keen on teaching Edward to ride the horses like she'd want him to ride her and Bob's like, "No! I'll teach him to ride... horses." Jenna says Bob's old and has a family to get home to and she has all the time in the world to ride... horses and teach Edward. Sharon says it's up to Edward and he picks Bob, thank fucking God. All we need is another fucked up love triangle and eighty chapters of hurt feelings and childish inner monologues. After it's settled and Jenna walks away, saying she'll see Edward around, the author decides it's time for another randomly placed A/N, going on about how she typed a line Bob said before she'd heard Rob say the same thing in the commentary for Eclipse. Really? Was it that necessary to put IN the chapter, instead of giggling about it in an A/N at the end?

So Bob explains how Jenna is newly single and has to be all strong woman in this hillbilly town. Whatever. I just see unnecessary trouble in the future. Misunderstandings abound, I'm sure.

So Edward asks Bob if he has anything to say about Edward's dancing, since he ended up shirtless at some point during the entertaining and Bob could have  seen his scars. Bob either plays dumb or didn't actually see them, and I don't care at this point. They make up and she switched to goddamn Bella's POV AGAIN for this chapter.

She's talking to her counselor, who happens to be some guy from the show Lost (Sorry, I've never seen it to say who's who), and she inserts ANOTHER motherfucking A/N talking about the counselor being the guy from Lost and how dreamy his is, though her loyalty is still with Edward. After that little nibble of joy, Bella describes what Counselor Josh looks like and what he sounds like and she pretty much needs a change of panties by the time she's done. Apparently he's the guy who asked if she was OK when she upchucked on the side of the road.

So after that embarrassment and guilt is worked through, they talk about how unfair it is that she can't transfer anything to this new school and has to start over. Um, if she's supposed to be someone who never went to that school in New York, isn't it moot, since she'd be giving her real identity away? She told Counselor Josh that she'd had to move and change her name, but nothing about why. Doesn't say she told him her old name, so maybe she wasn't a complete fuckwit who endangered everyone again.

So Counselor Josh offers his ear for her whenever she wants, being an actual psychiatrist, even though he can't really be her therapist because of conflict of interest. Then he writes her a note to get out of the rest of her classes. Wish I'd had a counselor like that in college. Jeez.

Anyway, I think I'll stop there, since this chapter was nearly 9k words alone and mashing it into one post with chapter 7 will just suck for you to read and me to write. :) Enjoy and leave some love!

Recap Rant: COtL, Chapters 4 & 5

Oh, dear readers. I know, I know. You shouldn't have to go this long without an update from me, seeing as there are six chapters to this story already. I hate that I have to make you wait, too, but since I share this computer with two other adults and we all have to get our time in before grandpa goes to bed at 10 p.m., my writing time is limited. Fortunately, the family is occupied with football every Sunday, so that gives me a huge chunk of time to write. Expect updates on Sundays.

However, I SHOULD be getting a new laptop in the next couple of weeks (WHOOPEE!), so I will be able to update whenever the hell I feel like it then. :)

Til then, ONWARD to the fuckery that is Chapters 4 & 5.

Chapter 4: Enough Hiding

But do you REALLY think it's enough hiding? I don't. These people should just hide out forever, cause this mess ain't getting any better.

This chapter starts out in Bella's POV, and she can tell Edward's faking "happy daddy" with Katie to hide his shitty-- literally --day. He makes up stories about how awesome and nice the horsies were, which placates Katie. Edward notices Bella is quiet, being the observant Dr. Bella she is, and she fakes a headache. Yep. The excuse to keep your man at bay for any reason for thousands of years.

Edward finally gets around to asking Bella how her day was at the new college, and she goes on about the teachers and classes and nice people, which automatically sets Edward off into jealous-land because he thinks guys are hitting on her. Oh no, sweetie. Not when she has FRANKENCOCK waiting for her at home!

After dinner, Edward showers. Apparently the walls are thin in the entire house, because you can hear anything going on in another room. Like Edward moaning in cleansing ecstasy trying to get the horse shit residue off. Bella hears this and starts getting hot to trot since the good Dr. Frankendickie hasn't made an appearance in her mystical cavern in a while and she's feeling the loss. She has to maintain the "kitten in the kitchen" when Katie asks for fashion advice, which then sends her off on an inner monologue and introspect about her old buddies Alice and Rosalie. Of course, Alice was a fashionista (there's a new one, right?), which was why Katie's fashion choices set off the nostalgia. Bella misses talking to them about boy stuff and wishes she could ask them for advice as to why Edward's acting like a pansy-ass liar this time. Bella even remembers a child-like slumber party they had once where Alice vowed they'd be friends forever. Let me tell ya something, Bells. I made promises like that to friends when I was in middle school, maybe even high school. What happened? People got popular, and/or they CHANGED FOR A BOY/MAN. Kinda like you did. You got involved with an emotionally fucked up stripper and your inner fixer-upper decided he was way more important than maintaining friendships forever. Hindsight's always 20/20, ain't it?

Anyway, Bella gets sucked into more nostalgic pondering when Ben muttering at the TV gets her missing Charlie. Again. Guess entering this whole WitSec thing for love wasn't very well thought out on your part, huh? The way you and Edward complain about how much life sucks because it changed so much, you probably should have parted ways or something. This is a disaster in the making.

When Edward's done in the shower, Katie cockblocks Bella again, making Edward help pick out clothes for school the next day. Bella ends up sitting with Ben and watching TV, where Ben notices she's sad and how Edward's in the doghouse. Ben apparently is much like Charlie, which means there are a lot more sad Bella memory times to come, I'm sure. Bella ends up inviting herself to the fashion party, since Angela is also in there with Edward and Katie. Edward is teaching Katie the awesomeness that is layering shirts, to which Katie promptly kicks everyone out so she can try it on.

So with a second alone, Bella ends up making out with Edward's hands since he was bitching about how he's getting "cowboy hands" from working all day. She kisses and licks them and I get a little vomit in my mouth. She suggests taking a walk because she wants to be naughty and do it in the woods. Edward says no, since he's already showered and in pj's, and his widdle feetsies hurt him, so Bella's like, "Okey dokey. I'mma be all drama queen in my room for a while." She's super jealous that Katie "owns" Edward now, since she's his kid and Bella's just his girlfriend-slash-unlicensed therapist. So she makes a list of what she wants to talk about with Edward in their "therapy session" later that night; things like Edward pretending everything is OK, and ignoring Bella completely when he comes home from work.

In the middle of this, Edward comes in and Bitter Bella starts slinging venom about how he's ignoring her and how she's girl number two in his life. They have a little tiff that ends with Bella making the comment about how she could understand Tanya wanting to go out with other people all the time, since there was no getting between him and Katie. Cue sad Edward and Bella chomping on one of her clumsy feet, since she stuck it in her mouth but good. Cue Bella crying and apologizing, then Edward apologizing and telling her not to cry, then saying how he knows he's in trouble with her but loves her and blah, blah, blah, mush, mush, mush, GAG.

Then they have sex. It involves them playing doctor with each other, and the mention of leakage from Bella's hooha is just the CHERRY on that wonderful, fucked-up kink fest that goes on for HOURS. HOURS, I tell you. I sometimes skim lemons, and I tried to with this one, but there was so much to laugh at that I just had to read it all. You can, if you want, but if you'd rather not, trust me when I say they are crazies who should probably never reproduce. Ever.

They decide to shower and Edward WILL tell her what the fuck is up with him. End of chapter. Good. LORD. Let's see what Chapter 5 holds, hm?

Chapter 5: Close Your Mouth, Ben!
Of course, the title is more grammatically correct than most of the chapter. Whatever. I suppose you can't fuck up that sentence too badly anyway.

Still in Bella's head, which is always a joy, right? She starts off the session, but doesn't do it like they used to, which makes Edward pouty. So she announces the session like she used to when they first met: "Edward Cullen- session 2 million." Oh, sweetpea, if this were REALLY the 2 millionth session with him, and he's STILL this fucked up, maybe you should get a pharmacological certification or whatever on your degree so you can get that boy some good drugs.

Anyway, they start off with how Edward's day went. Bella called him out on his bullshit stories that he fed Katie, citing that while it was OK to make them sound a little better for her, he could tell Bella what really happened. She knew how working with horses was, having gone to a horse camp when she was a kid and learned the same lessons Edward learned on the first day. Edward's ashamed that he sucked so badly at it and Bella assures him that they have no shame since they just had a kinkfest at the end of the last chapter. ShuTTer. Does anyone happen to remember if Wardo ever got tested during The Red Line? I mean, he was a whore and Bella is too interested in his Dr. Patchwork Dingaling to make a fuss, so I was just wondering.

Bella makes Edward talk about some of the nice things that happened, like Sharon and Bob being such awesome folks who made him feel not so much like a bumbling dipshit (which was a huge favor they did him, since he was a bumbling dipshit with the attitude of an eight year old). He also admitted to letting Victoria in his head and his fear of Bob going Brokeback Mountain on him when they were alone because of what Sir Kevin (a creepy Dom that had the hots for dear Edward and a penchant for being too rough) had done to Edward in the last story. Bella gently reminds him that his progress is great and he'll do even better when he sees a real doctor and he refuses to see anyone but Bella for his psychological pleasure. Edward says no, and then gets all pissy when Bella says Katie needs to see a doctor too. Um, Edward, I know living in your head seems to be this wonderful place full of horrible memories and kinky sexy times, but you DO realize your daughter was severely burned, had to go through a bunch of horrible and emotionally taxing surgeries, deal with the death of her mom and the loss of you, AND get made fun of by other kids for looking the way she did (because the little bastards are assholes. I blame the parents)? Doesn't that set off SOME alarm that she'll need help just like you do?

Bella calls him out for all of his whining (pot, meet kettle. You're made for each other) and how she's sick of it. When Edward whines about Casper not having any Slurpees (REALLY?! THAT'S what you miss?), she goes apeshit on him because of all she lost because of him: her friends, her father-- who lost his leg trying to help them, their home and everything. Bella even has to start school from scratch because her credits wouldn't transfer, since technically "Isabella Swan" isn't going to school in Casper, "Marie Whateverthefucklastname" is.

So then Bella is like, "Why don't you act all slutty with me anymore? Why do you ignore me when you come home and then not want to have sex (except the hours long fuckfest we just had)?" He's like, "I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT HIT, GO AWAY BEFORE I GET HULKSMASH!" Bella doesn't and keeps pushing, so Edward's like, "FINE, I WAS BUTTRAPED BY SIR KEVIN." Apparently, during the sting that happened in the last story, when they were trying to get shit to go down so Victoria would go to jail and Edward would be free, Edward had a police bug in his mouth that he chomped on "accidentally" so that Bella and Charlie and whoever else wouldn't hear the non-consensual sexytimes that happened. So Bella is shocked and Edward admits that he didn't want her to think less of him because of it and how he has a hard time getting past it and how he's afraid she'll be like, "Fuck you guys, I'm going home."

So they apologize to each other, Edward admits he needs real therapy and he'll find someone, and they go to bed. Bella gives him a non-sexual massage to help him relax, and they cuddle all night.

But wait, there's more! Because these chapters have to be 7k words long to fit in all the crazy!

Edward makes breakfast the next morning, dressed and ready to work. He acts more like Dadward instead of Buddy-to-my-kid-ward, and Bella is impressed. Katie gets dragged out for breakfast, where she eats an M&M pancake drowned in syrup (oh, her poor teacher, dealing with sugared out kids), and Edward confesses to her that his job isn't all rainbows and sunshine.

Bella notices that Ben and Angela aren't up yet, which is weird because they always see Katie off for school (you know, cause today is only her second day of actually going to school). Edward points out that maybe they were kept awake by their wailing in the throes of passion the night before, and Bella becomes mortified. The grandparents eventually get up and come out for breakfast and Bella can't look at them in her embarrassment. Edward, being cheeky, asked what they did last night, and Ben is like, "We watched some TV. Oh, and then I got laid." He then THANKS them for being so noisy, because apparently aural voyeurism turns them on and they got busy. Edward and Ben have a chuckle about it all and Bella decides to escape and get ready for school. When she's done, she mentions that the marshals are coming over that evening and that's why they got a call the day before. I'm wondering if they really are coming, or if there's a plot twist coming with "fake agents" who are really mob people coming to get revenge. I'm probably over thinking it, but I can't help it with the crap that's been pulled in these stories before. Lol.

Edward gets ready for work and Katie ready for school like a responsible father, there's some creepy sexual innuendo that happens between Edward and Bella, and Bella starts calling on Angry Bella over Edward's Sir Kevin buttrape confession from the night before.

Good gravy, this stuff just keeps getting better and better. Chapter 6 is up, too, but I haven't read it yet. Hopefully I'll get to it before next weekend and be able to update before Sunday. If not, hopefully expect another Rant next weekend. :) Since the chapter is almost 8k words long, expect another lengthy post, even though it should only contain one chapter's Rant. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to read it on the computer and construct the rant at the same time so I don't have to re-skim it later.

I bid you adieu and hope you find this as hilarious as I do! :D

Recap Rant: COtL, Chapters 2 & 3

This post was supposed to happen a week ago, but every time I sit down at the computer, a parental unit comes in and bitches about me being on the computer all the time and what I should be doing instead.

So, now that they are involved in whatever lame TV show that's on right now, I present the Recap Rant for chapters 2 and 3 of Coloring Outside the Lines.

Chapter 2: Square Peg
Edward starts off hating his new coworker/boss Bob. They haven't even done anything at the job yet, he just hates him for being poked fun at. Oh, Edward, really? Did you not expect to get a little ribbing for being a pansy-city boy starting a stable job at the rodeo? THEN he freaks out because he thinks he's going to actually be riding IN the rodeo. Silly boy, it's not that simple. No way would the author harm your butt in the rodeo ring just yet. I'm sure it's coming, since left-field stuff like that seems to happen to you often. Freed Eagle, anyone?

So Bob takes him around and shows him the stables where he's supposed to be working and Edward notices he's experiencing his first sunrise in a long time and almost has a breakdown thinking about how he's always slept through them because of his past "life". Let me tell you something, cowboy. I miss sunrises all the time, and it ain't because I was out whoring around all night. I sleep in because once I get a real job, I'll be seeing sunrises until I die. End of story. He then muses about how nice the made up little town is and how you can see the moon and everyone is so gosh darned nice. Then he almost has a freak out because Bob touched his shoulder in that manly way. Bob caught on and didn't judge, even telling the horse lady, Sharon, that Edward isn't into the touchy-feely. Then he sucks it up and hugs Sharon and then berates himself for not hugging her properly. I haven't the words, kids, I just don't.

Deep breaths, you'll get over it once the sun is up and you're sweating your ass off.

And sweat it he does, fellow readers. Not only does he work his ass off feeding the horses and mucking their stalls, he also gets bullied by the horses. Oh yes, bullied. They bite at him, head butt him, try to kick him, and even piss and shit on him. Bob tells him he's gotta lay down the law, cause the horses won't wait for food. Sounds like my cat. I've gotten many scratches and bites because I didn't dump her food fast enough. Little fuzzball knows her place now that I've flung her across the room (don't worry, animal lovers, she didn't hit a wall or anything. I made sure she landed on my bed or a pile of clean clothes just fine). Edward needs to do something like that. Fling a horse across the stable so the horses know he won't take any shit from them. Maybe bring in a bottle of glue and say something like, "Boy, I sure miss Sonuvagun, but I don't miss his bad behavior. Good thing he comes in this handy bottle to carry with me all the time now." That'll show them horses.

To get through all of this, Edward resorts to remembering Victoria and her voice and how she used to degrade him when he did anything, using it to drive him through the tasks and "show" her he wasn't a fuck-up loser anymore. Good on ya, Edward, but probably not the best method. We'll see if this makes things worse in the future.

When he learns to groom the horses, the horse called Psycho shits on him while he's brushing it's tail. No need for further detail on this one, folks.

Bob tells him it's okay to work shirtless, but Edward declines because of the scars he sustained from Raven in the last story. Understood. He even goes all submissive-like with Bob, hoping he catches on and drops the subject, but it's not until he tries to touch Edward on the shoulder again and Edward flips out that he gets the hint again. Oy.

Throughout the day Edward constantly worries what Katie will think of him, how she'd love the horses and how she'd hate him for hating the horses. Then, during lunch, Edward and Bob have a heart to heart about how much Edward sucks at the job and Bob reassuring him that he'll get the hang of it in no time. After lunch, where Edward finds a cute little note from Bella and Katie in his lunchbox, they take a dip in the lake out back, with their clothes on. I don't know about you, but working in a wet shirt and wet jeans would NOT be the best way to get through my day working a shitty job. Anyway, Bob apologizes for making Edward feel uncomfortable with the touchy-feely stuff, and even offers to be Edward's mentor, since Bob had one many moons ago when he started. Edward accepts and that's how chapter 2 ends.

There was so much whining I wanted to smack him. Being in his head gives me a headache. Oy.

Chapter 3: Paging Dr. Frankencock!
Wow, I'd forgotten that lovely nickname for Edward and his leviathan peen from The Red Line. I suppose it's a homage to how large his man junk is and whatnot, but all I can think about is a penis that looks like patchwork with stitching and different skin tones to complete the look. I'm a little grossed out, myself. Sorry if you are now, too.

Anywho, now we're in Bella's head. Slightly better, though there is still whining. She's thinking about her dad and how she had to leave him behind to be in WitSec with Edward in Podunk, Wyoming. Then she worries about how Edward needs therapy, and how he won't go see an actual licensed therapist. That line of thinking leads her to how she has to be all Dominatrix with him to get him to open up, which leads her to think about her sexual frustration. Good lord.

She manages to go on and talk about the idyllic campus of Casper College and how lovely and wonderful it is and has everything she needs to finish school. Oh, and it's super cheap because of Wyoming's exports. No one told me this. My life could be a lot better if I could have attended a fictional college in Wyoming that is dirt cheap. SallieMae wouldn't own my soul for eternity, that's for sure.

I digress. She gets home from school and has the warm fuzzies over playing house with Edward and Katie and how they're so connected: one feels bad and the other feels it, and Edward likes to hide his feelings. Shock! Awe! NO WAY!

Katie distracts her by babbling about school and the local ghost stories and how much fun she had. Then she goes on about what she learned about their new hometown and how Daddy needs to try out for the local baseball team (the Casper Ghosts. Original, yeah?), and how the town started with a bunch of Irish people back in the day. If that's TRUE in this made up world, why the hick accents, hmmmmmm? I'm not saying everyone should be talking with brogues about bangers and mash and cleaning the loo while drinking a pint of Guinness, but they aren't backwater hicks, as was stated in the last post. Whatever.

Ben, Katie's grandpa on her mom's side, is on the receiving end of a Katie fit because Christmas does NOT get abbreviated with an X at the beginning. We're treated to a little jesting on Ben's part about his Post-It addiction and leaving notes all over the house to remind himself of stuff. I do that all the time. Reminds me of the crap I need to get done and ignore to read fic and knit instead. It adds a little color to a room.

*GASP* The phone rings! This is a big deal for them in Bumfuck, Wyoming, because while they're in WitSec, the only time they get calls is from the po-po if something happens, or the doctor if someone is sick or whatever. Bella and Ben freak the fuck out because they're afraid their old lives are coming to get them, or maybe something horrible happened to Edward, and WOULDN'T THAT JUST SUCK A LOAD?!

Once the cop tells Bella everything is okay, nothing happened to Edward, he just lets her know that the marshalls will be dropping by for a visit the following evening and he wanted to give them a heads up. Once Bella is off the phone, Katie cries and Ben is freaking out saying he's going to pick Edward up from his job because everyone is so worried and freaked out now. Bella reassures Katie that everything is going to be okay and that Daddy worked really hard and fought a lot of bad people so they could get away and live in Tiny Town, Wyoming.

Once Katie and Bella finish their big talk about how nothing is going to happen and they're hopefully never going to move again (AWESOME.), Katie reveals how kids used to scream at her when she was still looking like the burn victim she was. This makes Bella cry and she promises that she'll always be there for her and so will Grandma Angela and Grandpa Ben.

The chapter gets a little lighter when Bella starts dinner and has an inner monologue about the different goofy names she calls Katie every day, citing that Ooop Ooop Ooplefski was her favorite so far. Uh-huh. I see that one sticking around forever. And ever. Freed Eagle and his daughter Ooop Ooop Ooplefski. Wonderful.

Edward comes home and freaks Katie out by pretending he worked himself so hard he died when she opened the door to let him in. Bella turns into excited-puppy-Bella at seeing her man come home, but then turns into bitter Bella when Edward pretty much ignores her to watch SpongeBob with Katie until dinnertime.


That's it for now, and BOY will chapters 4 & 5 be even better! Those will come next as a lump Recap Rant, hopefully sooner rather than later, and before she decides to update again! It's a little rough reading 6k+ words per chapter on a Palm Pixi screen and then skimming it again later to make sure I catch the good stuff for here!

Enjoy and leave some love and opinions on what you thought of the chapters or the recaps or whatever! :D

The Birth of Something... Well, Interesting, If Not Good

OK, kids, since I'm le suck on writing my own story as of late, for the reasons stated in previous posts (which are ongoing, sadly), I have decided that besides updates about my own writing, I will make this a place for hopefully hilarious recaps and other shenanigans involving other fics I'm reading. I know that some of this (okay, maybe all of it) will be offensive or downright mean, and who the hell am I to criticize others when I can't keep an update schedule of my own and write blockbuster fic of my own? Well, I can be a nice person, and I will point out the merits of the stories I write about, but come ON. If something is so bad that it deserves discussion, it will be had. Sorry. It's inevitable.

That's not to say I won't post positive reviews and recaps here. I love reading good fic and do believe that a good fic deserves it's dues and a little more traffic for the author so they can be fully appreciated. However, I'm too much of a sarcastic and cynic not to pass up recapping and poking a little fun at the bad fics out there.

Today's victim: Coloring Outside the Lines, which happens to be the sequel to a gem called The Red Line.

For those of you not familiar with The Red Line, it was a Twi-fanfic, E/B, AH, rated M. Bella was a psychology major at university and was dragged to a strip club by her friends, where she met Edward, who was a male stripper working off his debt to the club owner, Victoria. His parents had disowned him when he married his wife, Tanya, and had a daughter named Katie. After a tragedy killed Tanya and horribly scarred Katie, he ended up borrowing money from Victoria to pay for Katie's surgeries, hence his indenture servitude as a male stripper and gigolo. Bella decided he would be a good person to use for one of her case studies for class, and in turn, he ended up opening up her sensual side. Of course, they fell in love and had to overcome Victoria's hold on him. It was a great story until the author jumped the shark with a dream about Edward's parents being vampires, which would have been more plausible if it weren't a dream, and instead went on to talk about how Carlisle was having an illicit affair with Tanya and couldn't overcome his feelings for her once Edward started dating her, which is why his parents ended up cutting him off. There were other shenanigans, including Native Americans being insulted through a parade (and, thus Edward being named Freed Eagle), Victoria and her brother James dying, and a creepy "wedding" between Edward and Katie at the end because she loved her daddy so much. Emmett and Jasper are strippers at the club, too, and they're sorta friends with Edward. I can't remember every awesome detail of this story, and am afraid to subject myself to re-reading for accuracy here.

Also, at some point in the story, the author decided that using proper punctuation to close dialogue was too much trouble, and added a comma after everything a person said. She was also fond of using the word "pecks" to talk about pectoral muscles on man ("pecs" being the correct term).

Okay, so now onto chapter one of the delightful sequel. Looking past the theme with the same punctuation issues, as well as a few minor, yet glaring, grammatical mishaps (which I shouldn't really criticize, since I'm not Queen Grammar, but these were OBVIOUS), this is starting out as awesome as it ended. Since Edward, Bella and Katie had to go into protective custody, along with Edward's in-laws, Angela and Ben, they've been transplanted to Wyoming, where Edward is now a cowboy and Bella is still finishing up her psych degree. We begin the chapter with a creeptacular dream that Edward is tied up and being whipped by Victoria for running away from her when he wasn't freed from her, and Katie being there to watch. We're almost subjecting to a nauseating scene of Katie having to service Edward orally as punishment before Bella thankfully manages to wake Edward up before we have to read it.

Now, I understand there would be PTSD symptoms after a horrendous life of being beaten and tortured and forced into the sex trade, but really?! Did we really have to go there and quick everyone out right from the get go? Couldn't we just leave it to him dreaming about being beaten and maybe have Bella there instead of his small daughter?

Moving on. Bella reassures Edward that things will be okay, and that Edward really needs to see someone to talk about his past so he can heal and move on. Edward insists that she do it, since she helped him get free from his crappy former life, but Bella explains that he really wanted to get out, she just helped. She's also not certified to counsel him yet, and even though she'll listen to him, she can't really treat him. Brava, Bella, for not trying to fix everything in this fic. Yet. I'm sure it's coming, since she's a go-getter who wants to fix her Edward. Edward also shares his fears with Bella about allowing Katie to go to school for the first time ever. She's seven years old and since she's been having so many surgeries to fix the burns on her body, I guess she was tutored for a couple of years or something. Apparently the education of a child isn't really important the story when there are lemons and creepy marriages happening instead. Katie's really psyched to dress like a cowgirl, though, so at least she's adjusting to the new life.

Once things settle for the night, Edward wakes up the next morning, still having his separation anxiety over Katie going to school (which will have two plainclothes police officers to watch over her; awesome) and about his new job, WHICH HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT. He doesn't know what the job is, just that he has to dress in shit-kickers and a cowboy hat. Wouldn't the witness protection people at least give him SOME heads up so that he could be a little more relaxed or prepared for the first day? He's to be picked up at the end of the driveway by some dude in a truck with a bunch of other dudes in the back. WHY IS THIS OK, WITSEC?! Really? Did they make sure every guy was OK to drive off into the dusty sunrise with?

Oh, and the fact that he and Bella think that Wyoming folk talk like Billy Bob's second cousin from Alabama who got lost looking for Indian casinos and decided to stay in Wyoming is just a glimpse of the awesome joys we'll be facing throughout the story. Bella reminds him of his new name-- Anthony Masen --and that sends him into an inner monologue about hating his new name, new life, and how he doesn't want to be called Tony. Um, sweetie, what nickname you'll be called is the least of your worries right now. The way you're thinking, you should be wondering if any of your new coworkers will tell you that you have a pretty mouth and leer at you.

After breakfast and good-byes, the truck of workers comes to pick up Edward/Anthony. They can obviously tell right away that he's a city boy, and fuck around with him a little, asking if he wants and cow piss to drink on the way. Once the boys have a laugh and explain it's really coffee, they just call it Ant, all is well on the journey to work, setting aside Edward's worry for Katie. He FINALLY asks what the work is they'll be doing and the guy he's sitting with tells him that they'll be working at the rodeo. THE. RO. DE. O. O.M.G, this is the set-up for a story of epic proportions.

You can look at this story and see some very sweet moments and happy things going on, but there's so much else going on to tarnish it that it's tough. I had so many "wtf" moments while reading this chapter that I couldn't contain my laughter. I just couldn't. The future chapters promise to be just as lulz-inducing, even though I'm sure the author is not aiming for that reaction from her readers. This story could be EPIC. Which sort of epic is still in the air, but at least it can comfortably sit in that category.

Anyway, that's it for the first chapter of Coloring Outside the Lines. Please keep all discussion here in the comments section of the blog. Don't take the drama elsewhere. That's not the intention of this place, m'kay? If ya'll can't play nice, I won't do this anymore, AND THIS SHIT IS TOO FUNNY NOT TO WRITE ABOUT.

Happy Thanksgiving to my American peeps, and Happy Thursday to everyone else! :D

I know. I know.

It has been a while. There's really not a whole lot I can say about it that you haven't heard before. My computer is STILL dead, though I tried turning it on with a fan pad under it to keep it cool and it didn't stop working from overheating like the computer guys said, so I'm thinking it is the motherboard like Geek Squad said. I still don't have the money to fix it, or buy a new one, but at least I think I know the problem. My parents were thisclose to buying me a new laptop as my only Christmas present for the next two years, but mom realized that with tax, warranty, and MSOffice it would cost more than they could manage right now. I appreciated the thought and gesture, but it sucked that it didn't happen. I didn't throw a fit and I'm not bitter. Just sad that life is still major suckage.

I just checked and noticed my last post was in July. Since then, I DID have one interview at a school district nearby, but I didn't get the job. I wasn't horrible in the interview, but I definitely showed my nerves a couple of times. So I'm still technically unemployed. I've even applied at non-teaching jobs and haven't gotten calls because I'm too qualified or something. I have friends telling me I shouldn't put that I have a bachelor's degree so that I have a better chance of being called. I just might try that.

I'm substitute teaching again in the meantime, and after a slow start, I've managed to rack up nine days of teaching so far. Three in the district I student taught in, and six in a neighboring district to my town. The neighboring district's sub job is for the high school industrial arts teacher (basically wood shop class) and the first day was interesting. Clearly the kids are used to doing whatever they want (within reason. No one was a major problem for me today) as long as they get their work done in whatever time frame the teacher gives them. It's going to make for a crappy six days though, since he basically left me only enough for the kids to do something every day, but not enough to occupy them the entire HOUR AND A HALF I have every class. Yeah. Hour and a half. Not so bad, but when it's basically a study hall after a while and you have to make sure the kids aren't acting worse than kindergartners, it can get a little tiring. Ah well, it's a paycheck, right?

OH, and my grandpa is coming to live with us again for two months, starting this weekend, so God knows how much that will cut into writing time. He's my grandpa, and I love him, but it's like babysitting a four year old in a man's body and you can't really punish him because he's your grandpa and that's just wrong. So mom and I will be trying to keep each other from the edge and grandpa from wandering off.

GOOD NEWS: I have opened a document and started Chapter 11 of StWOM! :) I have about 600 words of it done so far, and it's taking us into the days leading up to Thanksgiving weekend, which is going to be a big freaking deal when all is said and done! Once I get the next few chapters rolling, things will (hopefully) start to speed up and get to the points I've been waiting to get to for almost two years now. I never thought it would take this long to get the freaking story out and I apologize profusely yet again for dropping the ball. I never meant to take so long updating the story, and I never in my wildest dreams thought it'd be months in between updates. I get bummed when authors do that too, though I understand real life gets in the way like it is for me, and I hate doing that to my readers. Fear not, though, it's coming together piece by piece. My parents are still kind enough to let me use the computer, though between them checking their email and playing their games of choice for hours on end, it's a little tough to get writing time in when the juices are flowing.

OTHER GOOD NEWS (depending on your POV): I am participating in NaNoWriMo this year! I know, you're probably thinking, "Why the hell would she sign up to write 50k words in 30 days when she can't even write 4k in six months?! Especially original fiction?!" Yeah, I thought about that, too. I'm trying not to let the 50k in 30 days bother me too much, I'm just doing it to try my best and knock some of the ideas floating in my head out. There are a few plot bunnies in my head that won't leave, but they don't really work up well as Twi-fiction (or any other fanfiction I've tried writing). I had an idea that I was trying to work up as an Emmett/Bella fic, kinda dark and noir with a twist of Sin City, but it just wasn't working out like I wanted it to. It was an idea I originally kinda started as a Sin City fanfic, but there wasn't too much of Sin City in it besides one character's name, and I can change that out to work for me. The other characters were original and the general feel of the story was Sin City, without really using any of the stories. I have a lot of it mapped out in my head, so we'll see if I can make a go of it as an original.

Another idea I had sorta started out as a celebrity fanfic (NO, not about Rob, but I won't tell you whom, either) but a couple of name changes and maybe habit changes and I could DEFINITELY use it, since a fair bit of it was already mapped out in my head anyway.

Clearly all I can manage to write is fanfic of some sort, but I suppose I need a springboard to get somewhere somehow, so it's not so bad. Like I said, there's not much to change in those two ideas as it is, so it's not a huge leap. What's my biggest lesson I've learned since I started writing, though? MOTHERFUCKING OUTLINE THE STORY FIRST. BIG lesson, right there.

Let me tell you a story: There once was a girl, we'll call her CeCe (it's a variation on my name). She loved to write and wrote all the time in middle school and high school. She loved it so much, she wrote in her classes, pretending to take notes when she was really writing love scenes and epic fights of great defense. She had a great passion for her writing and often felt she was the female protagonist in every story, which made for great writing because she could translate the feelings she would feel on paper and make a great story. It all just happened for her and she never needed to outline. She would write out the major scenes in a story and then connect them together in a wonderful tapestry.

Now flash to ten years after high school. CeCe has lived life, gone to college and graduated, experienced things she wanted to try, and didn't experience things she so desperately wanted and thought she would by that point in her life. She'd grown a lot more critical and cynical and depressed about life, and when she tried to have a passion for something, something or someone would come along and kill it by criticizing her for it or showing how much better they were at it than she. She certainly wasn't living the life she'd expected to live ten years after high school, a fact that depressed her further. She no longer could put herself into her character's POVs and feel what needed to be felt to get through a scene. Her thoughts would scatter easily and she would lose important elements and then become frustrated and disappointed when scenes didn't work out like she wanted.

Lesson: Your mind won't always stay the same, so you can't keep the same habits forever. So now I'll outline so I can stay true to the story and not feel like I'm putting inferior trash out there.

ANYWAY, after that long ass post, I think that'll do. Yeah, I'm still knitting, mainly socks, though I've been eyeing some fingerless mitts for the upcoming winter. We'll see.

Hopefully I'll post again sooner rather than later and I'll have awesome news about the next chapter(s) of StWOM! :) I hope you're all doing well!

Good News? I Could Use Some Right Now

I wish I was writing this with better news about my life right now. Please don't be alarmed, nothing horrible has happened. In fact, nothing has happened at all, which is why I'm feeling completely helpless and on the verge of tears all the time lately.

My computer is still not fixed. I can't remember if I posted since I got it back, but I ended up taking it back from the repair shop without them fixing it because it had been almost a month since I took it there and nothing was being done to fix it. I had called three times and by the last call found out that the part had been ordered, but then canceled for some unknown reason. Why unknown? Because the guy who orders the parts AND does the internal repairs of the computers was on vacation in Canada with no cell service, and his brother/business partner has no clue about how to do any of that side of the business. I know that more than two people work there and you're telling me that the only guy who can do ANYTHING that's supposed to be done in a COMPUTER REPAIR SHOP is on vacation for two weeks? Why bother staying open at all while he's gone if nothing can apparently get done? So I picked it up and I've just forgotten to call anywhere else for pricing on repairs.

In the meantime I have been looking to see if I can get any deals on refurbished laptops or maybe open a credit line to get one through Toshiba or HP or whatnot, but since Apple refused me just to see if I could get an iPod, I doubt they'll give me anything for a computer.

As far as the job search? I keep applying all over the state, and even out of state, and nothing. I get an email from my former cooperating teacher (and number one reference on my applications) asking me if I've applied for any jobs. What does that tell me? No one I've applied to has even been interested enough to contact my references for the possibility of hiring me. I tell her that I've been applying and I'm getting really worried, and she tells me that I can always sub if no one hires me. I know I can sub teach again, but I didn't want to have to do that for another year if at all possible because no one respects a substitute teacher unless it's elementary school kids. I mean, come on, don't you remember being all excited about having a sub in school and trying to get away with stuff you can't normally get away with? Especially after the last high school I subbed for where the entire class just up and left for the cafe (which they KNOW they aren't supposed to go to under penalty of punishment by the principal if caught) and then had the nerve to get pissed at me because I reported them to their teacher, who took my side of the whole thing.

So anyway, I keep trying and hope that I get a last minute job or something. I know that's extra stress, but it's a job. It's difficult getting a summer job as well, because I have too much education and scare off employers because they don't want to pay someone more money because they have more education, or want to hire someone who's only had one job (in my defense I worked there for six years) and hasn't worked for four years (again, my defense is that with school, it was impossible to work). It's a very frustrating time for me, and others in my situation right now. My old roommate, who also graduated with me in the same career field, managed to get two interviews, but hasn't been hired either. Same deal with a friend of mine who student taught after me at the same district I'd been at. We picked an ever shrinking field and it's alarming that we may not have careers soon. It's also very difficult when schools want teachers with experience but no one will hire newbies to get any experience so they can get their foot in the door.

My ultimate back-up plan is that if I can get financial aid (which I doubt with the amount of student loans I owe) or an assistantship somewhere, I want to go to graduate school for special education. I've been interested since before I graduated with my bachelor's, but not enough to abandon music completely and switch over, and I KNOW that schools ALL OVER the place are always looking for special ed teachers or intervention specialists. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I have the computer, unhindered, all this week since my parents are out of town for the week to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary, so MAYBE I can convince myself to write out at least chapter 11. I haven't outlined anymore chapters, but I have discussed a new plot bunny with my buddy Jayne_Rulis that I might turn into something when things are more settled and on the up-and-up for me. I'm sorry for the wait and I thank you guys so much for understanding. If I do get the chapter written this week, there are no guarantees it will be beta'd quickly, as Feisty is experiencing her own real life problems. Her housing situation has suddenly changed and she's dealing with the clean-up and moving process, so I won't harass her if I can help it.

Any good news with you guys? I do hope that things are going well for you and if not, I hope they get better for you soon. *HUGS*

 

computer update

stupid fucker who was supposed to be working on my computer is on vacation this week or something & no one else knows what the fuck is going on with what's supposed to happen with the reairs. I went with this repair place cause of the positive reviews, but this is becoming ridiculous.

oh & to top of this awesome news, apparently my car is beyond fixable, so now I have no car & no way to get to a job should I get one. Or get to the interview to get a job. FML. Hopefully my parents' truck will be fixed before any of that happens, but god knows.

So. That's my week. Hope yours was better.

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Quick Update

Fuckers at the computer shop haven't fixed my computer yet. The first guy who I talked to about the problem and told me he fixed it never ordered the part and no one knew. I called last week about it and another guy told me the first guy didn't even write down what he was going to do to fix it and never told anyone to order the part. So now I have to wait like and extra week or two before getting it back. I am SO pissed right now.

On the bright side, I have a nice general outline for the next three chapters of Someone to Watch Over Me. I know what's going to happen in all three, I just need to get rough drafts written and some details worked out so that I can get them beta'd and posted. I thank you guys for being so patient with me on this whole thing and I hope to have my computer back soon so I can get them written before I lose anything and change my mind on things in the story. Lol.

To make matters worse on the writing front, I COULD have written something for today and saved it to my USB drive, but since my parents' only had the trial version of Microsoft Office 2007 on their computer and it expired recently, I was totally fucked. They're out right now purchasing the key code to upgrade to the full version of MSOffice 2010, so maybe when I can get another day like this on the computer (assuming I don't get my computer back first) I can try to write something.

On the job front I haven't heard anything. Good side: no rejection emails. Bad side: Still no calls for interviews, despite friends of mine in the same field and on the same level as me getting interviews. I've sent out a crapton of applications, both online and hard copy, so I'm hoping next month will be busy for me on the job front. As I type this I have filled out three applications online today alone, as well as getting four hard copies ready to mail out tomorrow for schools in Ohio alone. The whole MSOffice issue hindered me as well, since I couldn't edit my cover letters to tailor them for each school I was applying to, and I don't feel comfortable sending out the generic one I attach to my online applications. I couldn't even type them out individually with the correct information as it wouldn't let me do anything but open previously saved documents and print them. I couldn't edit them, I couldn't even type a new document. ARG.

Pray for me, if any of you are the praying type. Or wish good luck for me or something. If I don't hear anything from anyone by August I am going to be one pissed off person. My back-up plan is to sub for another year in my county and find a part time evening job, but I don't want to resort to that. If I don't have a real teaching job, that screws up my licensure after next June and I don't want to piss around with that.

::GIANT HUGS:: to you all, thanks so much for putting up with me. :)

(Oh yeah, I catered a graduation party with my dad this past weekend, and I had to hand make 200 fucking cannoli for this spoiled brat. Only about 50 got eaten and I was a little upset about it, but I did get paid $200 for all the work for it. Part of that is going on the debt I owe my parents, the rest on my computer repair fees. Woo! No stealing from my last sub paycheck!)

Updates and Chapter 11 Notes

So today I downloaded an app to my phone that will let me write up and organize better memos to my phone than the Memo app that came standard on the phone to begin with. Once it was installed, I opened it up and started outlining Chapter 11 (which will be posted as Chapter 12). I've pretty much got the entire chapter outlined, I just need either the time to write it on my parents' computer, or get my laptop back to write it out.

Speaking of my laptop, I called the computer place I took it to and he said he could fix the fan. He said I should be able to have it by mid-week this week, but I obviously do not, since it's Friday and I'm typing this on my parents' machine. I'll call either tomorrow or Monday for an update, and I'm REALLY hoping that he's not going to say something about my motherboard needing fixed, because I do NOT have the money for that (yeah, still no calls about jobs yet. I'm trying to stay positive). We'll see.

Back to the story. There are still a few minor details that need to be hashed out for the chapter, but the skeleton is there.

It deals with the upcoming holiday, which is Thanksgiving, and what Bella and Emmett decide to do with their situation, since it's the first without their parents, while figuring out how to have Thanksgiving together, Emmett and Rosalie spending time with Rosalie's family, and figuring out how EmRo will explain James and Victoria's presence at a family event. That's one of the details I'm still chewing on.

A few questions you might have:

What's going on in the BellWard end of things? Good question. I know, but it's some good stuff I'm not ready to spoil yet. Maybe when I can get a draft of the chapter I can post a teaser.

Will there be any Jalice? A little mention or two, for now. ;) Tidying up what's going on for the holiday.

Will you stop it with the stupid, cutesy couple names already? Sure, for now. It saves time from having to type out their names, and those who know me know I'm lazy, so it's perfect. Plus initials only can get confusing after a while.

What about the Francis family? You've only mentioned them a couple of times and aren't they kind of important to this story? I mean, aren't they the reason BellWard are stuck in her house all the time with Jasper a witness to their naughty handshakes? They're still there, faithful readers, and they'll have a bigger part soon, as will the Volturi family. I figure I'd take some time to develop the BellWard (oops!) relationship a little, which is slow going when I have no idea how that kind of relationship develops. Anywho, I think things will pick up in general and a lot of what is introduced will get more face time.

How long will this story be? Beats me. However long my befuddled mind can make it. I'm not going for length really, just trying to get the story stuck in my head out.

Really, how can Jake afford this private security for TWO households? Not telling. Nyah, nyah.

What's Pete up to? Ooo, wouldn't you like to know.

Was Charlie into some bad mojo that got him and Renee killed? Not necessarily. You know how bad people are. They get paranoid and decide killing people makes them feel better. I suppose it's cheaper than a therapist, but definitely messier.

When will Bella and Edward HAVE SEX already?! Soon, grasshopper. I have to psych myself up for that lemon, seeing as it will be both their first time doing it and my first time writing a full fledged lemon. Don't look for the nitty-gritty, I'm going for tasteful. I'm really nervous about it, so deal with it, mkay?

How many more effing questions are you going to make me sit through? No more today, but if you have any you'd like to ask, just ask me. :)

Testing...

So I downloaded a program that I update my blogs & upload pictures to from my phone. I took my computer in to see if this mom & pop shop could fix it cheaper & they told me one of the fans died, it wasn't a hardware issue (like my motherboard, per Geek Squad's assumption). It might be cheaper to fix, but I'm unsure if that's it.

In any case, I'm hoping I can update here, maybe post some rough teasers so I have something to come back to & build upon when I have a computer to write on again, whenever that may be.

Thanks for sticking with me!

Head's Up

Wondering where I've been? Besides working my ass off more than any substitute teacher has probably ever worked (unless they happened to be a music ed sub taking bands to contest and getting a final concert ready in the wake of a teacher going on maternity leave after having her contract non-renewed, thus having her leave her messes behind once she was gone for everyone else to clean up, which also screwed over the students), my computer has died. Geek Squad at Best Buy said it was probably the motherboard crapping out and would take between $200-400 to fix. I don't have that money because I only got sub pay (I was ONE day away from being paid first year teacher pay for the six-week gig, but the final week was only four days instead of five) and I have other obligations to take care of.

They told me to maybe try a system restore or whatever it's called, where I go into safe mode and go back to a working system save point from before. I tried it twice and no can do. I don't have the discs to try the system reboot thing, where it resets everything back to factory settings or I would have tried that (never fear, I have backed up all of my files, including my fanfic chapters and ideas). I might call around to local repair shops and see if they might be able to figure it out and fix it for cheaper, or maybe point me in the right direction of a decent refurbished laptop for $400 or less, cause I might be able to swing that, if I'm careful. I have no idea, since I have to call SallieMae tomorrow and BEG for a forbearance or something on my loans since I do NOT have the money to shell out for loan payments right now, and forbearances cost money to have done or whatever. Urg. I need to find a job QUICK and I'm also freaking out about that since I haven't gotten any calls for interviews after having applied for a bunch of teaching jobs in my state as well as others. I'm really hoping that when everyone has told me that it's early yet, that July should be about when it starts, they are correct and I'm freaking for nothing.

So... How am I updating now? Since I still live at home, my parents are okay with me using their computer. I can't live on it like I could my laptop, which severely sucks, but I can get on it a couple of times a day if I try. However, since my grandpa is living with us for the month of June, and the computer is in the guest bedroom where he sleeps, AND I'm sharing the computer with two parents addicted to computer games, I can maybe, MAYBE get on once a day if I try. That hampers my writing time severely, especially when I have the urge and not the opportunity to get it out. I'll try to write things down as they come so that maybe I can get an update out when all is said and done, but I make no promises. I'll try my best, but no guarantees.

I do have a new phone with better web capabilities, so I'll still be on Twitter all the time and going on the web as I can, but until I can figure out an easier way to post to this blog, these updates will be few and far as well.

Thank you SO much for your patience and understanding, and for slogging through this rambling post. I can't say more, because grandpa is ready for bed, so I gotta get out. Save me. ;)

SQUEE!

ZOMGWTFBBQ! Yes, Chapter 11 (really Chapter 10) of Someone to Watch Over Me has been posted! I had the urge to write yesterday, and even though I was waylaid by being away from my computer most of the day, and then coming home to a dead computer because a storm had killed the electricity, I pounded out the last bit of the chapter that had been languishing on my hard drive for weeks now. I stayed up a little past my bedtime to go over it, but I managed to get it done in about a half hour. My awesome beta Feisty Y. Beden beta'd it and got it back to me today and I was super excited! The edits were quick and easy, so I was happy to post today. :)

The response to the chapter has been awesome. Everyone enjoyed the update and have given me a lot of encouragement and well-wishes for finding a job and hoping things in general in my life get better. I hope so, too, and I'm touched to have readers like you who care. It makes me feel better on those days when I am in tears because of frustration and just want to delete everything or because I feel like I can't do anything right.

I was so excited by the response to the new chapter that I wanted to start the next one. I thought I has a start figured out to it, but it wasn't coming across like I wanted, so I need to spend a little time working it out. Since it's the start of November or so in the story, talk of Thanksgiving plans might kick the chapter off, so I need to figure out a feasible plan of who is spending the holiday where without the awkward situation of having James/Victoria/Jasper/Edward tag along and having to explain that to the families. But... there might be a meet-the-parents situation, but I'll leave which parents as a surprise (Edward's? Rosalie's? Hmmmm...)

Ah, I'm just brainstorming out loud, figuring it out as I go. If any of you are reading this, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how everything is going in the story and any questions you have, as well as thoughts on what I've got going here.

I might just start the next chapter tonight after all!

Thank you all so much for reading and being patient with me! *hugs*

FFn Profile Update

For those who do read this blog, or if you've just come here because of my FFn profile, welcome! I just posted a GIANT note in my profile there detailing why it has taken me so long to update. I hate doing it there, since I thought this blog idea would work, but after receiving a disturbing review basically scolding me for not updating and forgetting my readers, I thought I should post something more people would read instead of hoping they'd find themselves here. :)

I hope everyone understands the reasons why. For me, I need to feel myself in the story in order to write it, and with the stress and depression I'm experiencing, it makes it difficult to bother. Sometimes when I even think about working on the story, I feel a sense of dread and I can't explain why. Writing fanfic isn't my job, and I know I can't please everyone, but I fear that I fail at writing because it's not an exciting story or it's not playing out in my head the way I'd imagined it from the start.

Anyway, I'm not going into another pity party or anything. :) Thank you all for your patience!

Chapter 10 Teaser!

Okay! To prove to you guys that I've actually been working on chapter 10 of Someone to Watch Over Me, I bring you this teaser:
“Lalalala, I can’t hear you talking about my best friend’s sex life, lalala,” I chanted, watching her fight not to smile at my behavior. While I considered Carlie a friend as a result of being Jake’s girlfriend, I did not think we were close enough for us to be comfortable sharing the intimate details of their relationship. Even though I wasn’t much more comfortable hearing Jake say anything about his and Carlie’s sex life, it didn’t feel as awkward. He also only made comments about it to annoy me, but never got into any gory details.

Carlie pulled my hands away from my ears, and I looked at her warily, arms at the ready to react if she insisted on telling me what I didn’t want to hear. “I’m just saying, we’ve never gone that long without before and if he’s not… you know… with me, then he must be getting it somewhere else.”

I tried not to cringe at the thought of Jake doing… you know… with anyone, especially not Carlie. “Ok, Carlie. Let me just say something. I know it probably doesn’t help much, but I’ve known Jake since we were kids, like, little kids. I know that he doesn’t get involved in anything unless he really cares, and I know he’s dated girls before. I can honestly tell you that you are the woman for him. I have never seen him treat another girl as well as he’s treated you, never cared so much for someone as I’ve seen him care about you. He wouldn’t fuck this up over some random chick and sideline sexy times. I honestly believe that whatever he is doing that is taking time away from your relationship is nothing as heinous or devious as you’re thinking. I’m sure he has his reasons for whatever and things will go back to normal very soon. Just trust Jake.”

“I do trust him,” she said, slumping onto the counter. “I trust him with my life, and I love him. I don’t know why I’m being so silly and thinking that whatever the hell he’s doing has to somehow be the worst-case scenario. Drama queen much, Carlie?”

I chuckled. “Don’t worry. I know it’s gotta be tough to have a great relationship and then something changes, and you can’t help but fear the worst. Just trust your gut about Jake. Is it telling you he’d do something like that?”

She shook her head. “No. I overreacted. I’m so sorry to have come here and bothered you about it, Bella.” She looked abashed. “I feel really stupid.”

Yep. That's part of Chapter 10! Yay! There's still some work to go on it, but it's coming along nicely. Since my grandfather is visiting this week to give my aunt a break, that means my mother is bothering me even more and hiding out in my room, so that makes it more difficult to get in "the zone". I'd hoped to have it done in time to let everyone know about my participation in the Support Stacie Auction to see if I could get bids, but it was not to be because of the aforementioned circumstances.

Speaking of Support Stacie, the April Author's Auction is now closed! Thanks to everyone who bid, and congratulations to my good buddy TabithaAbraham/knit1purr2 for being the winning bidder! She was bidding to get the next chapter of StWOM, but I talked her into considering something else, since I have the chapter mostly done and don't want her to waste her money on something like that. Once the details are banged out, I'll let you guys know what's up!

Happy reading!

A Li'l Insight... but Mainly Just Whining

For those of you wondering why it takes me so farking long to update anything, here's a little bit of why:

Having just graduated from college, I'm searching desperately for a job because a). I owe a fuckton on school loans, and b). living with my parents again is not recommended for my mental health. Because of these reasons I'm finding it hard to not be depressed about: my current unemployed situation; the fear of not finding a job soon to start getting my life going; and not wanting to go crazy because my mother still treats me like I'm a child and not like an adult. It's very discouraging when one's personal life is in the crapper, and thus it kills any creativity I have to write anything of quality to post.

Also, when I write, I try to get into character somehow, if that makes any sense. Sort of putting myself in the characters' shoes. I used to write so much and so well in high school/early college and when I wrote, it was like wrapping myself in a cozy blanket and being a part of the world I was writing about. I think with posting my stuff for everyone to see sort of puts me on the spot wondering how everything will be received by others and I no longer feel the "cozy blanket" and I try to please everyone and forget how it feels to be my characters anymore, despite this being fanfic and the characters aren't mine to begin with.

I've learned all sorts of lessons in this process, though, and feel that if I were to begin something new, I would definitely outline before I started a thing on it. I've definitely learned my lesson about outlining as I'm now having great difficulty writing new chapters for Someone to Watch Over Me because I have no set plan. I know where I want to go, but I have no knowledge of how to get there. Thus, making it up as I go, I think I have painted myself into having elements I don't think I would have had if I'd just had an outline. Someone suggested a rewrite, but I don't want to have to pull the story and lose all my awesome reviews and alerts just because I'm a moron who didn't think ahead. I'll just research, try to salvage what I want to happen and maybe outline it so I'm not driving in the dark, and hopefully get the fucker done before I'm 30.

Want something to read while you're waiting on me? I have a few reccs, though they're actual paper and ink books to read (OMIGOD, people still READ those? Yes). Having recently acquired a library card for the first time in six years, I've been perusing the library to expand my tastes and read something without the names Edward or Bella or reading about Edward "New Mooning" Bella yet again in an angsty rewrite of the Twilight saga. There are only so many lemons I can read before I start skimming because they're typical or creepy.

ANYWHO, check out Sundays at Tiffany's by James Patterson and Gabrielle Charbonnet. It's about a little girl named Jane who has an imaginary friend named Michael because her mom is this high-powered producer of Broadway shows who ignores her daughter except to point out her flaws. Michael leaves Jane when she turns nine, because it's a rule that imaginary friends can't stay around longer than age eight, and this devastates Jane. She grows up to be a successful playwright herself, having produced a play based on her childhood memories with Michael (despite Michael swearing that she'll forget he even existed), and ends up running into her former imaginary BFF one day, to both of their surprises. It's light and a bit fluffy, and only has a touch of angst here or there, but it's a great read if you want something like that. There aren't any lemons, but some sweet kisses and implications and has a wonderful ending.

Want something funnier, maybe a little grittier? Check out the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich. They come in numerical order, starting with One For The Money and continuing on through Finger Lickin' Fifteen, with more on the way! I'm only on the fifth book, High Five, but I've loved the series from book one. Stephanie Plum is single and unemployed, with no prospects in either area. She ends up working for her sexual deviant cousin Vinnie, who is a bond agent, bringing in bail skippers (failure-to-appears) who "forget their court date" so that she can make rent and not have to move back home with her overbearing parents and crazy-but-funny Grandma Mazur. She makes friends along the way, including Lula, a 200 lb. former prostitute, and dodges (though sometimes unsuccessfully) sexual advances from cop Joe Morelli, a man she's known since childhood and has a heated partnership (and made heated memories) with while trying to bring in the criminals. Sometimes the simplest cases turn into complicated hi-jinks and make for a good time to read. :)

Okay, now that I'm done plugging books to avoid stressing my own writing, I'll end it at that. If you'd like to see what fanfics I've been reading, check out my Fanfiction.net profile and pick one of the AWESOME stories from one of my favorites. :) Happy reading!

P.S.- If you still have faith in me despite my discouraging bit about writing earlier, don't forget I'm participating in the Support Stacie April Author's Auction! Click the picture link to the right and check it out! Bidding begins this Friday at 11:59 CST! If bidding on me doesn't sound like your cuppa, there are plenty of AWESOME authors to choose from. (If you check out my bit on the site, you'll see what I'm offering and you'll have your say in a Twi-fic by me! Yes, we'll hammer out a plan and everything, so it'll be written to your specifications and get done in a timely manner! I PROMISE!)

Support Stacie Auction and Many Apologies

First off, yes, I am a really bad blog keeper. I create or renovate my blogs with the intent of keeping everyone updated on what I'm doing and then I fail at that because I think about how few people actually read what I write and if they actually care if I update. I psych myself out. Sorry!

I wanted to let WHOEVER reads this know that I have entered myself to be bid upon in the upcoming Support Stacie auction! The link is in the Support Stacie pic to the right there, so click it for more information! Once the author profiles have been put up, you can see what I'm offering (there's a little somethin' special I added for the winner). I'm offering a one shot with the option for a multi-chapter fic, as long as the winner is okay with the entire fic taking longer than 30 days to complete, depending on the length of the story. :) I'm pretty excited to help out someone in need and hope that I get a bid! Tell your friends! It's worth your while!

In other news, I have the next chapter of Someone to Watch Over Me worked out, I just need to organize my thoughts and get them down on paper. Writing them is what I find most difficult, because I worry too much about what people think before anyone's ever read it. I am the master of psyching myself out. No one can top me, but my mother's a close second. ;) Writing is also difficult when I'm worried about getting a job, student loan payments are going to be due in a few months, and I'm steeling myself to move if I do get a job away from home. It's a bit stressful, so it's taking away from my ability to write what I want to. I am trying, though.

I'm participating in March's WitFit as well, to help expel some creative clutter that's holding things up, too, but I'm off to a bad start. I might keep them for future exercises. I might just post random drabbles, either here or in a separate story on FFn, to help 'de-clutter' my head. Keep an eye out, m'dears. 

Anyway, that's what's up with me lately. I hope all is well with you, and drop me a comment!

Happy New Year!

It's a new year! I hope everyone had safe and happy holidays? Did you make any resolutions? I don't bother anymore, because that just adds another few failures to my list as the year goes on. The main goals I plan on achieving are to get a teaching job (or a job SOMEWHERE for now), move the hell out of my house (for reasons I'm not detailing here. You're welcome), and maybe try to eat better and exercise. I want to do the last one and have no problem doing it, but when you eat your feelings instead of talking... well, yeah. Hahaa. Ah well. I hope whatever you've resolved to do, you stick to it and have a successful New Year!

January WitFit starts tomorrow, and I'm hoping I can keep up on it better than I have for the December ones. I still have almost all of December's prompts in my GMail box, and I hope to do them eventually and add them to my FFn account for whoever is bored enough to read them. ;) A lot of the problem with posting there is that I feel guilty if it's not fanfic related (Twilight, of course, since I'm not into other universes right now) and I can't somehow make it fit the Twi characters, it won't work. Maybe my readers will be okay with an entry or two that are just random and don't involve the characters. Of course, like, two people only read the WitFit, so I think they'll be okay with it. lol.

My good buddy JayneRulis/BelovedWonderland suggested we collaborate on a new contest called "To Kill A Cullen". Basically you can write whatever you want as long as a Cullen dies. The death can be funny or tragic or whatever. There are rules concerning a couple of characters and if their deaths count, but I think it'll be fun. We plan on basing it on a song called "Maxwell's Silver Hammer". Creepy, but we want it to be funny, too, so we'll see how it works out. We're not always the best with keeping up with things and never just sit down and write, but we really want to try. I've never entered a contest before, so it should be fun. I also have an idea for my own one-shot for the same contest, involving Nessie and things going badly in the clearing during Breaking Dawn. It's based off of a Moby song. I might have mentioned it a couple of posts ago. I think this could totally work for the contest, I just have to SIT MY ASS DOWN AND FUCKING WRITE IT. I have been so uninspired lately to write ANYTHING that, obviously, nothing gets done.

So, I refuse to make a resolution involving writing because I KNOW that would be a giant fail right off the bat. I could make all kinds of promises to sit down and get something on the page, but I get really weird and over think everything and then nothing really gets done. Like I've said before. Cause I'm a nerd with neuroses.

Anywho, that's that for now, and hopefully I'll have more good news on the writing front in weeks to come! Happy New Year and best wishes for the new decade!