I know. I know.

It has been a while. There's really not a whole lot I can say about it that you haven't heard before. My computer is STILL dead, though I tried turning it on with a fan pad under it to keep it cool and it didn't stop working from overheating like the computer guys said, so I'm thinking it is the motherboard like Geek Squad said. I still don't have the money to fix it, or buy a new one, but at least I think I know the problem. My parents were thisclose to buying me a new laptop as my only Christmas present for the next two years, but mom realized that with tax, warranty, and MSOffice it would cost more than they could manage right now. I appreciated the thought and gesture, but it sucked that it didn't happen. I didn't throw a fit and I'm not bitter. Just sad that life is still major suckage.

I just checked and noticed my last post was in July. Since then, I DID have one interview at a school district nearby, but I didn't get the job. I wasn't horrible in the interview, but I definitely showed my nerves a couple of times. So I'm still technically unemployed. I've even applied at non-teaching jobs and haven't gotten calls because I'm too qualified or something. I have friends telling me I shouldn't put that I have a bachelor's degree so that I have a better chance of being called. I just might try that.

I'm substitute teaching again in the meantime, and after a slow start, I've managed to rack up nine days of teaching so far. Three in the district I student taught in, and six in a neighboring district to my town. The neighboring district's sub job is for the high school industrial arts teacher (basically wood shop class) and the first day was interesting. Clearly the kids are used to doing whatever they want (within reason. No one was a major problem for me today) as long as they get their work done in whatever time frame the teacher gives them. It's going to make for a crappy six days though, since he basically left me only enough for the kids to do something every day, but not enough to occupy them the entire HOUR AND A HALF I have every class. Yeah. Hour and a half. Not so bad, but when it's basically a study hall after a while and you have to make sure the kids aren't acting worse than kindergartners, it can get a little tiring. Ah well, it's a paycheck, right?

OH, and my grandpa is coming to live with us again for two months, starting this weekend, so God knows how much that will cut into writing time. He's my grandpa, and I love him, but it's like babysitting a four year old in a man's body and you can't really punish him because he's your grandpa and that's just wrong. So mom and I will be trying to keep each other from the edge and grandpa from wandering off.

GOOD NEWS: I have opened a document and started Chapter 11 of StWOM! :) I have about 600 words of it done so far, and it's taking us into the days leading up to Thanksgiving weekend, which is going to be a big freaking deal when all is said and done! Once I get the next few chapters rolling, things will (hopefully) start to speed up and get to the points I've been waiting to get to for almost two years now. I never thought it would take this long to get the freaking story out and I apologize profusely yet again for dropping the ball. I never meant to take so long updating the story, and I never in my wildest dreams thought it'd be months in between updates. I get bummed when authors do that too, though I understand real life gets in the way like it is for me, and I hate doing that to my readers. Fear not, though, it's coming together piece by piece. My parents are still kind enough to let me use the computer, though between them checking their email and playing their games of choice for hours on end, it's a little tough to get writing time in when the juices are flowing.

OTHER GOOD NEWS (depending on your POV): I am participating in NaNoWriMo this year! I know, you're probably thinking, "Why the hell would she sign up to write 50k words in 30 days when she can't even write 4k in six months?! Especially original fiction?!" Yeah, I thought about that, too. I'm trying not to let the 50k in 30 days bother me too much, I'm just doing it to try my best and knock some of the ideas floating in my head out. There are a few plot bunnies in my head that won't leave, but they don't really work up well as Twi-fiction (or any other fanfiction I've tried writing). I had an idea that I was trying to work up as an Emmett/Bella fic, kinda dark and noir with a twist of Sin City, but it just wasn't working out like I wanted it to. It was an idea I originally kinda started as a Sin City fanfic, but there wasn't too much of Sin City in it besides one character's name, and I can change that out to work for me. The other characters were original and the general feel of the story was Sin City, without really using any of the stories. I have a lot of it mapped out in my head, so we'll see if I can make a go of it as an original.

Another idea I had sorta started out as a celebrity fanfic (NO, not about Rob, but I won't tell you whom, either) but a couple of name changes and maybe habit changes and I could DEFINITELY use it, since a fair bit of it was already mapped out in my head anyway.

Clearly all I can manage to write is fanfic of some sort, but I suppose I need a springboard to get somewhere somehow, so it's not so bad. Like I said, there's not much to change in those two ideas as it is, so it's not a huge leap. What's my biggest lesson I've learned since I started writing, though? MOTHERFUCKING OUTLINE THE STORY FIRST. BIG lesson, right there.

Let me tell you a story: There once was a girl, we'll call her CeCe (it's a variation on my name). She loved to write and wrote all the time in middle school and high school. She loved it so much, she wrote in her classes, pretending to take notes when she was really writing love scenes and epic fights of great defense. She had a great passion for her writing and often felt she was the female protagonist in every story, which made for great writing because she could translate the feelings she would feel on paper and make a great story. It all just happened for her and she never needed to outline. She would write out the major scenes in a story and then connect them together in a wonderful tapestry.

Now flash to ten years after high school. CeCe has lived life, gone to college and graduated, experienced things she wanted to try, and didn't experience things she so desperately wanted and thought she would by that point in her life. She'd grown a lot more critical and cynical and depressed about life, and when she tried to have a passion for something, something or someone would come along and kill it by criticizing her for it or showing how much better they were at it than she. She certainly wasn't living the life she'd expected to live ten years after high school, a fact that depressed her further. She no longer could put herself into her character's POVs and feel what needed to be felt to get through a scene. Her thoughts would scatter easily and she would lose important elements and then become frustrated and disappointed when scenes didn't work out like she wanted.

Lesson: Your mind won't always stay the same, so you can't keep the same habits forever. So now I'll outline so I can stay true to the story and not feel like I'm putting inferior trash out there.

ANYWAY, after that long ass post, I think that'll do. Yeah, I'm still knitting, mainly socks, though I've been eyeing some fingerless mitts for the upcoming winter. We'll see.

Hopefully I'll post again sooner rather than later and I'll have awesome news about the next chapter(s) of StWOM! :) I hope you're all doing well!

Good News? I Could Use Some Right Now

I wish I was writing this with better news about my life right now. Please don't be alarmed, nothing horrible has happened. In fact, nothing has happened at all, which is why I'm feeling completely helpless and on the verge of tears all the time lately.

My computer is still not fixed. I can't remember if I posted since I got it back, but I ended up taking it back from the repair shop without them fixing it because it had been almost a month since I took it there and nothing was being done to fix it. I had called three times and by the last call found out that the part had been ordered, but then canceled for some unknown reason. Why unknown? Because the guy who orders the parts AND does the internal repairs of the computers was on vacation in Canada with no cell service, and his brother/business partner has no clue about how to do any of that side of the business. I know that more than two people work there and you're telling me that the only guy who can do ANYTHING that's supposed to be done in a COMPUTER REPAIR SHOP is on vacation for two weeks? Why bother staying open at all while he's gone if nothing can apparently get done? So I picked it up and I've just forgotten to call anywhere else for pricing on repairs.

In the meantime I have been looking to see if I can get any deals on refurbished laptops or maybe open a credit line to get one through Toshiba or HP or whatnot, but since Apple refused me just to see if I could get an iPod, I doubt they'll give me anything for a computer.

As far as the job search? I keep applying all over the state, and even out of state, and nothing. I get an email from my former cooperating teacher (and number one reference on my applications) asking me if I've applied for any jobs. What does that tell me? No one I've applied to has even been interested enough to contact my references for the possibility of hiring me. I tell her that I've been applying and I'm getting really worried, and she tells me that I can always sub if no one hires me. I know I can sub teach again, but I didn't want to have to do that for another year if at all possible because no one respects a substitute teacher unless it's elementary school kids. I mean, come on, don't you remember being all excited about having a sub in school and trying to get away with stuff you can't normally get away with? Especially after the last high school I subbed for where the entire class just up and left for the cafe (which they KNOW they aren't supposed to go to under penalty of punishment by the principal if caught) and then had the nerve to get pissed at me because I reported them to their teacher, who took my side of the whole thing.

So anyway, I keep trying and hope that I get a last minute job or something. I know that's extra stress, but it's a job. It's difficult getting a summer job as well, because I have too much education and scare off employers because they don't want to pay someone more money because they have more education, or want to hire someone who's only had one job (in my defense I worked there for six years) and hasn't worked for four years (again, my defense is that with school, it was impossible to work). It's a very frustrating time for me, and others in my situation right now. My old roommate, who also graduated with me in the same career field, managed to get two interviews, but hasn't been hired either. Same deal with a friend of mine who student taught after me at the same district I'd been at. We picked an ever shrinking field and it's alarming that we may not have careers soon. It's also very difficult when schools want teachers with experience but no one will hire newbies to get any experience so they can get their foot in the door.

My ultimate back-up plan is that if I can get financial aid (which I doubt with the amount of student loans I owe) or an assistantship somewhere, I want to go to graduate school for special education. I've been interested since before I graduated with my bachelor's, but not enough to abandon music completely and switch over, and I KNOW that schools ALL OVER the place are always looking for special ed teachers or intervention specialists. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I have the computer, unhindered, all this week since my parents are out of town for the week to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary, so MAYBE I can convince myself to write out at least chapter 11. I haven't outlined anymore chapters, but I have discussed a new plot bunny with my buddy Jayne_Rulis that I might turn into something when things are more settled and on the up-and-up for me. I'm sorry for the wait and I thank you guys so much for understanding. If I do get the chapter written this week, there are no guarantees it will be beta'd quickly, as Feisty is experiencing her own real life problems. Her housing situation has suddenly changed and she's dealing with the clean-up and moving process, so I won't harass her if I can help it.

Any good news with you guys? I do hope that things are going well for you and if not, I hope they get better for you soon. *HUGS*

Quick Update

Fuckers at the computer shop haven't fixed my computer yet. The first guy who I talked to about the problem and told me he fixed it never ordered the part and no one knew. I called last week about it and another guy told me the first guy didn't even write down what he was going to do to fix it and never told anyone to order the part. So now I have to wait like and extra week or two before getting it back. I am SO pissed right now.

On the bright side, I have a nice general outline for the next three chapters of Someone to Watch Over Me. I know what's going to happen in all three, I just need to get rough drafts written and some details worked out so that I can get them beta'd and posted. I thank you guys for being so patient with me on this whole thing and I hope to have my computer back soon so I can get them written before I lose anything and change my mind on things in the story. Lol.

To make matters worse on the writing front, I COULD have written something for today and saved it to my USB drive, but since my parents' only had the trial version of Microsoft Office 2007 on their computer and it expired recently, I was totally fucked. They're out right now purchasing the key code to upgrade to the full version of MSOffice 2010, so maybe when I can get another day like this on the computer (assuming I don't get my computer back first) I can try to write something.

On the job front I haven't heard anything. Good side: no rejection emails. Bad side: Still no calls for interviews, despite friends of mine in the same field and on the same level as me getting interviews. I've sent out a crapton of applications, both online and hard copy, so I'm hoping next month will be busy for me on the job front. As I type this I have filled out three applications online today alone, as well as getting four hard copies ready to mail out tomorrow for schools in Ohio alone. The whole MSOffice issue hindered me as well, since I couldn't edit my cover letters to tailor them for each school I was applying to, and I don't feel comfortable sending out the generic one I attach to my online applications. I couldn't even type them out individually with the correct information as it wouldn't let me do anything but open previously saved documents and print them. I couldn't edit them, I couldn't even type a new document. ARG.

Pray for me, if any of you are the praying type. Or wish good luck for me or something. If I don't hear anything from anyone by August I am going to be one pissed off person. My back-up plan is to sub for another year in my county and find a part time evening job, but I don't want to resort to that. If I don't have a real teaching job, that screws up my licensure after next June and I don't want to piss around with that.

::GIANT HUGS:: to you all, thanks so much for putting up with me. :)

(Oh yeah, I catered a graduation party with my dad this past weekend, and I had to hand make 200 fucking cannoli for this spoiled brat. Only about 50 got eaten and I was a little upset about it, but I did get paid $200 for all the work for it. Part of that is going on the debt I owe my parents, the rest on my computer repair fees. Woo! No stealing from my last sub paycheck!)