Testing...

So I downloaded a program that I update my blogs & upload pictures to from my phone. I took my computer in to see if this mom & pop shop could fix it cheaper & they told me one of the fans died, it wasn't a hardware issue (like my motherboard, per Geek Squad's assumption). It might be cheaper to fix, but I'm unsure if that's it.

In any case, I'm hoping I can update here, maybe post some rough teasers so I have something to come back to & build upon when I have a computer to write on again, whenever that may be.

Thanks for sticking with me!

Head's Up

Wondering where I've been? Besides working my ass off more than any substitute teacher has probably ever worked (unless they happened to be a music ed sub taking bands to contest and getting a final concert ready in the wake of a teacher going on maternity leave after having her contract non-renewed, thus having her leave her messes behind once she was gone for everyone else to clean up, which also screwed over the students), my computer has died. Geek Squad at Best Buy said it was probably the motherboard crapping out and would take between $200-400 to fix. I don't have that money because I only got sub pay (I was ONE day away from being paid first year teacher pay for the six-week gig, but the final week was only four days instead of five) and I have other obligations to take care of.

They told me to maybe try a system restore or whatever it's called, where I go into safe mode and go back to a working system save point from before. I tried it twice and no can do. I don't have the discs to try the system reboot thing, where it resets everything back to factory settings or I would have tried that (never fear, I have backed up all of my files, including my fanfic chapters and ideas). I might call around to local repair shops and see if they might be able to figure it out and fix it for cheaper, or maybe point me in the right direction of a decent refurbished laptop for $400 or less, cause I might be able to swing that, if I'm careful. I have no idea, since I have to call SallieMae tomorrow and BEG for a forbearance or something on my loans since I do NOT have the money to shell out for loan payments right now, and forbearances cost money to have done or whatever. Urg. I need to find a job QUICK and I'm also freaking out about that since I haven't gotten any calls for interviews after having applied for a bunch of teaching jobs in my state as well as others. I'm really hoping that when everyone has told me that it's early yet, that July should be about when it starts, they are correct and I'm freaking for nothing.

So... How am I updating now? Since I still live at home, my parents are okay with me using their computer. I can't live on it like I could my laptop, which severely sucks, but I can get on it a couple of times a day if I try. However, since my grandpa is living with us for the month of June, and the computer is in the guest bedroom where he sleeps, AND I'm sharing the computer with two parents addicted to computer games, I can maybe, MAYBE get on once a day if I try. That hampers my writing time severely, especially when I have the urge and not the opportunity to get it out. I'll try to write things down as they come so that maybe I can get an update out when all is said and done, but I make no promises. I'll try my best, but no guarantees.

I do have a new phone with better web capabilities, so I'll still be on Twitter all the time and going on the web as I can, but until I can figure out an easier way to post to this blog, these updates will be few and far as well.

Thank you SO much for your patience and understanding, and for slogging through this rambling post. I can't say more, because grandpa is ready for bed, so I gotta get out. Save me. ;)

SQUEE!

ZOMGWTFBBQ! Yes, Chapter 11 (really Chapter 10) of Someone to Watch Over Me has been posted! I had the urge to write yesterday, and even though I was waylaid by being away from my computer most of the day, and then coming home to a dead computer because a storm had killed the electricity, I pounded out the last bit of the chapter that had been languishing on my hard drive for weeks now. I stayed up a little past my bedtime to go over it, but I managed to get it done in about a half hour. My awesome beta Feisty Y. Beden beta'd it and got it back to me today and I was super excited! The edits were quick and easy, so I was happy to post today. :)

The response to the chapter has been awesome. Everyone enjoyed the update and have given me a lot of encouragement and well-wishes for finding a job and hoping things in general in my life get better. I hope so, too, and I'm touched to have readers like you who care. It makes me feel better on those days when I am in tears because of frustration and just want to delete everything or because I feel like I can't do anything right.

I was so excited by the response to the new chapter that I wanted to start the next one. I thought I has a start figured out to it, but it wasn't coming across like I wanted, so I need to spend a little time working it out. Since it's the start of November or so in the story, talk of Thanksgiving plans might kick the chapter off, so I need to figure out a feasible plan of who is spending the holiday where without the awkward situation of having James/Victoria/Jasper/Edward tag along and having to explain that to the families. But... there might be a meet-the-parents situation, but I'll leave which parents as a surprise (Edward's? Rosalie's? Hmmmm...)

Ah, I'm just brainstorming out loud, figuring it out as I go. If any of you are reading this, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how everything is going in the story and any questions you have, as well as thoughts on what I've got going here.

I might just start the next chapter tonight after all!

Thank you all so much for reading and being patient with me! *hugs*

FFn Profile Update

For those who do read this blog, or if you've just come here because of my FFn profile, welcome! I just posted a GIANT note in my profile there detailing why it has taken me so long to update. I hate doing it there, since I thought this blog idea would work, but after receiving a disturbing review basically scolding me for not updating and forgetting my readers, I thought I should post something more people would read instead of hoping they'd find themselves here. :)

I hope everyone understands the reasons why. For me, I need to feel myself in the story in order to write it, and with the stress and depression I'm experiencing, it makes it difficult to bother. Sometimes when I even think about working on the story, I feel a sense of dread and I can't explain why. Writing fanfic isn't my job, and I know I can't please everyone, but I fear that I fail at writing because it's not an exciting story or it's not playing out in my head the way I'd imagined it from the start.

Anyway, I'm not going into another pity party or anything. :) Thank you all for your patience!

Chapter 10 Teaser!

Okay! To prove to you guys that I've actually been working on chapter 10 of Someone to Watch Over Me, I bring you this teaser:
“Lalalala, I can’t hear you talking about my best friend’s sex life, lalala,” I chanted, watching her fight not to smile at my behavior. While I considered Carlie a friend as a result of being Jake’s girlfriend, I did not think we were close enough for us to be comfortable sharing the intimate details of their relationship. Even though I wasn’t much more comfortable hearing Jake say anything about his and Carlie’s sex life, it didn’t feel as awkward. He also only made comments about it to annoy me, but never got into any gory details.

Carlie pulled my hands away from my ears, and I looked at her warily, arms at the ready to react if she insisted on telling me what I didn’t want to hear. “I’m just saying, we’ve never gone that long without before and if he’s not… you know… with me, then he must be getting it somewhere else.”

I tried not to cringe at the thought of Jake doing… you know… with anyone, especially not Carlie. “Ok, Carlie. Let me just say something. I know it probably doesn’t help much, but I’ve known Jake since we were kids, like, little kids. I know that he doesn’t get involved in anything unless he really cares, and I know he’s dated girls before. I can honestly tell you that you are the woman for him. I have never seen him treat another girl as well as he’s treated you, never cared so much for someone as I’ve seen him care about you. He wouldn’t fuck this up over some random chick and sideline sexy times. I honestly believe that whatever he is doing that is taking time away from your relationship is nothing as heinous or devious as you’re thinking. I’m sure he has his reasons for whatever and things will go back to normal very soon. Just trust Jake.”

“I do trust him,” she said, slumping onto the counter. “I trust him with my life, and I love him. I don’t know why I’m being so silly and thinking that whatever the hell he’s doing has to somehow be the worst-case scenario. Drama queen much, Carlie?”

I chuckled. “Don’t worry. I know it’s gotta be tough to have a great relationship and then something changes, and you can’t help but fear the worst. Just trust your gut about Jake. Is it telling you he’d do something like that?”

She shook her head. “No. I overreacted. I’m so sorry to have come here and bothered you about it, Bella.” She looked abashed. “I feel really stupid.”

Yep. That's part of Chapter 10! Yay! There's still some work to go on it, but it's coming along nicely. Since my grandfather is visiting this week to give my aunt a break, that means my mother is bothering me even more and hiding out in my room, so that makes it more difficult to get in "the zone". I'd hoped to have it done in time to let everyone know about my participation in the Support Stacie Auction to see if I could get bids, but it was not to be because of the aforementioned circumstances.

Speaking of Support Stacie, the April Author's Auction is now closed! Thanks to everyone who bid, and congratulations to my good buddy TabithaAbraham/knit1purr2 for being the winning bidder! She was bidding to get the next chapter of StWOM, but I talked her into considering something else, since I have the chapter mostly done and don't want her to waste her money on something like that. Once the details are banged out, I'll let you guys know what's up!

Happy reading!

A Li'l Insight... but Mainly Just Whining

For those of you wondering why it takes me so farking long to update anything, here's a little bit of why:

Having just graduated from college, I'm searching desperately for a job because a). I owe a fuckton on school loans, and b). living with my parents again is not recommended for my mental health. Because of these reasons I'm finding it hard to not be depressed about: my current unemployed situation; the fear of not finding a job soon to start getting my life going; and not wanting to go crazy because my mother still treats me like I'm a child and not like an adult. It's very discouraging when one's personal life is in the crapper, and thus it kills any creativity I have to write anything of quality to post.

Also, when I write, I try to get into character somehow, if that makes any sense. Sort of putting myself in the characters' shoes. I used to write so much and so well in high school/early college and when I wrote, it was like wrapping myself in a cozy blanket and being a part of the world I was writing about. I think with posting my stuff for everyone to see sort of puts me on the spot wondering how everything will be received by others and I no longer feel the "cozy blanket" and I try to please everyone and forget how it feels to be my characters anymore, despite this being fanfic and the characters aren't mine to begin with.

I've learned all sorts of lessons in this process, though, and feel that if I were to begin something new, I would definitely outline before I started a thing on it. I've definitely learned my lesson about outlining as I'm now having great difficulty writing new chapters for Someone to Watch Over Me because I have no set plan. I know where I want to go, but I have no knowledge of how to get there. Thus, making it up as I go, I think I have painted myself into having elements I don't think I would have had if I'd just had an outline. Someone suggested a rewrite, but I don't want to have to pull the story and lose all my awesome reviews and alerts just because I'm a moron who didn't think ahead. I'll just research, try to salvage what I want to happen and maybe outline it so I'm not driving in the dark, and hopefully get the fucker done before I'm 30.

Want something to read while you're waiting on me? I have a few reccs, though they're actual paper and ink books to read (OMIGOD, people still READ those? Yes). Having recently acquired a library card for the first time in six years, I've been perusing the library to expand my tastes and read something without the names Edward or Bella or reading about Edward "New Mooning" Bella yet again in an angsty rewrite of the Twilight saga. There are only so many lemons I can read before I start skimming because they're typical or creepy.

ANYWHO, check out Sundays at Tiffany's by James Patterson and Gabrielle Charbonnet. It's about a little girl named Jane who has an imaginary friend named Michael because her mom is this high-powered producer of Broadway shows who ignores her daughter except to point out her flaws. Michael leaves Jane when she turns nine, because it's a rule that imaginary friends can't stay around longer than age eight, and this devastates Jane. She grows up to be a successful playwright herself, having produced a play based on her childhood memories with Michael (despite Michael swearing that she'll forget he even existed), and ends up running into her former imaginary BFF one day, to both of their surprises. It's light and a bit fluffy, and only has a touch of angst here or there, but it's a great read if you want something like that. There aren't any lemons, but some sweet kisses and implications and has a wonderful ending.

Want something funnier, maybe a little grittier? Check out the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich. They come in numerical order, starting with One For The Money and continuing on through Finger Lickin' Fifteen, with more on the way! I'm only on the fifth book, High Five, but I've loved the series from book one. Stephanie Plum is single and unemployed, with no prospects in either area. She ends up working for her sexual deviant cousin Vinnie, who is a bond agent, bringing in bail skippers (failure-to-appears) who "forget their court date" so that she can make rent and not have to move back home with her overbearing parents and crazy-but-funny Grandma Mazur. She makes friends along the way, including Lula, a 200 lb. former prostitute, and dodges (though sometimes unsuccessfully) sexual advances from cop Joe Morelli, a man she's known since childhood and has a heated partnership (and made heated memories) with while trying to bring in the criminals. Sometimes the simplest cases turn into complicated hi-jinks and make for a good time to read. :)

Okay, now that I'm done plugging books to avoid stressing my own writing, I'll end it at that. If you'd like to see what fanfics I've been reading, check out my Fanfiction.net profile and pick one of the AWESOME stories from one of my favorites. :) Happy reading!

P.S.- If you still have faith in me despite my discouraging bit about writing earlier, don't forget I'm participating in the Support Stacie April Author's Auction! Click the picture link to the right and check it out! Bidding begins this Friday at 11:59 CST! If bidding on me doesn't sound like your cuppa, there are plenty of AWESOME authors to choose from. (If you check out my bit on the site, you'll see what I'm offering and you'll have your say in a Twi-fic by me! Yes, we'll hammer out a plan and everything, so it'll be written to your specifications and get done in a timely manner! I PROMISE!)

Support Stacie Auction and Many Apologies

First off, yes, I am a really bad blog keeper. I create or renovate my blogs with the intent of keeping everyone updated on what I'm doing and then I fail at that because I think about how few people actually read what I write and if they actually care if I update. I psych myself out. Sorry!

I wanted to let WHOEVER reads this know that I have entered myself to be bid upon in the upcoming Support Stacie auction! The link is in the Support Stacie pic to the right there, so click it for more information! Once the author profiles have been put up, you can see what I'm offering (there's a little somethin' special I added for the winner). I'm offering a one shot with the option for a multi-chapter fic, as long as the winner is okay with the entire fic taking longer than 30 days to complete, depending on the length of the story. :) I'm pretty excited to help out someone in need and hope that I get a bid! Tell your friends! It's worth your while!

In other news, I have the next chapter of Someone to Watch Over Me worked out, I just need to organize my thoughts and get them down on paper. Writing them is what I find most difficult, because I worry too much about what people think before anyone's ever read it. I am the master of psyching myself out. No one can top me, but my mother's a close second. ;) Writing is also difficult when I'm worried about getting a job, student loan payments are going to be due in a few months, and I'm steeling myself to move if I do get a job away from home. It's a bit stressful, so it's taking away from my ability to write what I want to. I am trying, though.

I'm participating in March's WitFit as well, to help expel some creative clutter that's holding things up, too, but I'm off to a bad start. I might keep them for future exercises. I might just post random drabbles, either here or in a separate story on FFn, to help 'de-clutter' my head. Keep an eye out, m'dears. 

Anyway, that's what's up with me lately. I hope all is well with you, and drop me a comment!